Resolutions?

When I was growing up New Year's Eve was spent watching the ball drop on tv and grape juice all around (ok, maybe the parents had something a little stronger). New Year's Day was spent watching bowl games, playing cards, and mowing on tons of party snacks we didn't usually get. The Christmas tree was normally in danger of being condemned to it's basement tomb for another eleven months.

Comforting traditions unfortunately change and we are forced to create our own. Last night Sis and I went to a movie in Ames with our old friend Trucker, whispering Happy New Year to each other during the closing credits. Afterward, Trucker and I relived old times, discussed new situations, and played the Wii until 5:00 this morning. Ah, the joys of being a child again in your 30's.

With my parents gone there is no more sports influence. My children enjoy participating in sports but I have yet to instill the desire to sit through a bowl game in them. They tolerate my watching the occasional basketball or baseball game, but they draw the line at football. They get that from their dad's side. So there are no more bowl games for me on New Year's Day, it's not that much fun to sit and watch a team you don't follow by yourself. The "holiday" instead has become an extra day for me to either be productive or relax, which ever I need more. This year it seems to be a little of both since I actually have 3 days off in a row.


I am not one for making New Year's resolutions. I often make goals for myself and I stick to them if it seems beneficial and I revise or scrap them if not. I have a few type A tendencies, so if I want something I am going to push myself to work towards it.

I have made several changes to my life over the years and not a single one of them were given birth to on the first day of a new year: I quit smoking in the middle of August, I threw my Ex out at the beginning of February, I started exercising more in March. What does today signify other than our planet is one more year older?

Big whoop. In two months I will be another year older too.

In my mind, today would be better off spent reflecting on how good our Mother Earth is to us and celebrate the fact that she has lived to such a ripe old age even with her children that aren't so nice and respectful to her. But I guess that's what we have Earth Day for, huh?

Last year I posted a sassy little list of resolutions just for fun to see who I could get going. I know, I sometimes have a strange, sarcastic sense of humor. But here is the list again, with a few revisions and additions.

And for those of you that do hold on to hope that today is the catalyst for the changes you feel you must make, great for you, you have my full support and I hope you achieve your goals!

My 2010 Resolutions

1. Be a bigger doormat to people. It’s not working to fight it, so why not invite everyone to spill all their problems, seek my advice, love and friendship, then blow me off when I need the same in return.
2. To give up my dreams of traveling, or even getting out to the activities I enjoy for that matter, why not accept that something is always going to come up to ruin it?
3. Give in to my addictions to Facebook, blogging, and texting, they are the biggest form of socialization I seem to get anyway
4. Either quit eating healthy foods or start smoking again… 16 additional pounds since I quit smoking despite exercise, WTH?
5. While we are at it, why don’t I just start shooting whiskey straight (maybe mixed to start?) and go for the “tough mama” look
6. Better go blow all my money at the racetrack too, forget saving it
7. Let all my houseplants die. I’m probably going to wait too long to re pot them or forget to water them anyway. (ok, maybe this one borders on the truth!)
8. Admit that I have no useful organizational skills when it comes to housekeeping and vie for a spot on Hoarders.
9. Start buying into all the 2012 hype and living in fear of living like everyone else.

Have a Happy and Blessed 2010 Everyone!

I've lost my muse

Courtesy of Sis & Ricky, hopefully these will lift my spirits

I'm trying to figure out why. Why every time that I get a good creative flow going, life has to knock me down & complicate it, so that eventually the creativity gets pushed aside and I have to deal with whatever is so pressing.

That right there is the sum of my last two weeks. Everything was going great. I was baking up a storm, I was writing up a storm, I was living and I was happy. I had started several poems and had the beginnings (or middles, or ends) of several more. I had started the outline and first sample writings for a new blog. I had even started writing a short story, something I have not attempted for years.

I will admit that part of the problem is that I became distracted. I let a few messes clutter up the counters. Then I realized that I had put off the necessary phone calls to secure a location for our next Scout meeting. I have a tendency to become temporarily obsessed with my inclinations. I don't think I'm alone in that. We all become a little caught up in our own creativity every now and again.

It would have been all fine and dandy though, I am comfortable with letting a few minor details slide now and again, except that I got into a huge argument with Ex. Admittedly, I had let my guard down. I had begun to trust that maybe, just maybe, Ex had grown up just enough to be trusted in a co-parenting roll. Perhaps he now realized that his actions reflect on his roll model status as a father. Or perhaps not. There was a lot of hurt and betrayal felt by Bug & especially Sis as Ex followed his own whims and left their feelings and admiration behind. I wish I could say out right the terrible decision that he made, I will keep to my promise not to discuss his transgressions on this blog however, but I am very thankful that I have been able to raise my children well enough to realize that it was a moral mistake without my pointing it out.

So I spent last week consoling my children instead of writing and being creative. It was the right decision and I have no regrets about that. Then Christmas came. A 3 day weekend alone with the kids! No one can really be expected to sit themselves in front of a computer on a long holiday weekend can they? Instead I cooked, did some light cleaning, made phone calls to loved ones, and played the wii with the kids. We had gotten a lot of snow and travel was not really advised, so we stayed in where it was warm and simply enjoyed our time together. The one time I did venture out I managed to get pulled over, but that's a different part of the story and not where I'm headed with this particular little rant.

So Sunday night came and I was very relaxed. I was sitting right here in this very spot with the computer in my lap. I really thought that maybe I could find a little bit of that creativity and write just a little bit. I was a little cold though, so I ventured over to the thermostat. 65 degrees it read. Not bad, but lower than I usually had it set. I went down to the basement to check, sure enough the pilot light was out. No big deal, I had become a pro at relighting the old rusty contraption since Ex moved out.

After getting the heat flowing again I decided I should probably just head to bed and jot in my notebook. I listened to the furnace hum as I went about my nightly rituals. I could feel the house starting to warm. And then, suddenly, nothing. The pilot light was out again.

I braved the frigid basement and lit it again. I fell asleep listening to the rattle of heat blowing through the vents. It seemed like the furnace was running a long time now and I was quite toasty.

I woke up at 1:00 shivering. It was now 57 in the house. I re lit the pilot. Then I lit it again at 3:30. And again at 5:30. And once more before I left for work at 7:00.

I sent a text message to my best friend, who's dad happens to be my furnace guy.

I stopped by home real quick while I was running the work deposit to the bank. I re lit the furnace twice. The temperature had dropped to 53 degrees. The kitchen faucet was starting to show signs of freezing since the pipe runs along an outside wall.

I got a text back. My friend's dad would be over after 5:00 to see what he could do. He was pretty sure it was a cheap part & simple fix. I took the rest of the day off work and used two space heaters and blankets to set up warm rooms in the house. I opened up each of the faucets to a drip so the pipes wouldn't freeze. I did laundry just to run the dryer and I curled up under a blanket with Bug to read a book. Every couple hours I would check the faucets & move the heaters.

My friend's dad came over sooner than expected and set to work. Throughout the even I could hear pounding and the occasional shrill of his phone ringing. At 8:00 he came up to tell me the bad news. He had done all he could, but sadly my furnace was beyond repair. The good news was that he had used furnace in his daughter's garage and he would put it in for me free of charge.

The man is a saint. I have said before that he is an angel in disguise. You wouldn't know to look at him what a huge heart he has. He looks like Chris Farley if he had lived to his almost 60's and had chosen a career in plumbing & heating. He is always laughing & smiling and rarely has a bad word to say to anyone.

So last night he put in the new furnace. It took him until 11:00. He left here with an apple pie as my thank you to him. I know that was not nearly enough thanks for the wonderful kindness he bestowed to me.

Now I have heat, wonderful heat. Maybe I could pick up where I left off, but now I have the sniffles. I suppose that's what happens when you go 2 days without heat. I just want a clear head so I can concentrate and unplugged ears so I can hear my muse again.

Oh well, such is life. Maybe next week. The start of a new year, the start of new creativity perhaps?

Tis the Season

I just realized that it has been almost a month since I've blogged. I wish I could say that's because it was a quiet month without a lot going on, but instead it has been fraught with drama. All this intrusion on my nerves has served some purpose though, it has forced me to start thinking about my future and what I want out of it.


I haven't come to any solid conclusions yet, but I have enjoyed entertaining the thoughts of moving, going back to school, and writing a book.

Funny that I wrote about keeping one's perspective just a month ago.

This past weekend I needed a change of perspective. I was tired of being strong. I was tired of trying to shield my children from events I had no control over. I was sulking about how I had not done as much with my life as I had planned by this point. I was just plain worn out.

Which of course meant that it was time to do something to change my perspective.

What better than spending the entire weekend baking with my little Buggaboo?

Raisin Puffs just like my mom used to make every Christmas.

Bug's favorite job was to make the Almond Bark Pretzels.

Excellent decorating Bug!

We made a lot more than this. We also made 6 dozen Lemon Cookies, 4 dozen sugar cookies, and 2 pans of Scotcharoos.

All that baking has made me feel a lot better and changed my perspective back to what's most important of all... spending quality time with my loved ones.

Now if I could only find the time to deliver all the cookie trays we made!

A Thanksgiving Lesson in Perspective

I have a few friends (mostly male?) that complained this year that they had nothing to be thankful for in this season of Thanks-giving. One had lost his job, one thought his girlfriend was considering leaving, and the one lone female had just wrecked her car. Being the friend that I always am, I made room on my shoulder, and tried to talk each of them up again.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Nothing is required of you except presenting yourself and a little help in the kitchen. It is a time to reflect on the joys in our lives and give thanks to the one that made those joys possible.

It's also about perspective.

I could easily say that I don't have a lot to be thankful for.... money is tight, I never have enough time in my day to fully appreciate & spend the amount of time I want to with my children, I don't have a special someone at the end of each day, I've reached a point where I get more bills than junk mail. The list could go on and on.

That's not how I see my life though.

While I may vent occasionally about something that makes me unhappy, irate, or upset, for the most part I know that it's the little joys that make life so much brighter. And I know who I have to thank for them.

Those are His little reminders to me not to be bitter or sad about the trials in my life. Each joy is a reminder to me to change my perspective and be thankful for all the things we try to take for granted.

Here are a few snapshots from my Thanksgiving up at the lake:

Doesn't Sophie look so regal here? She's not a very nice kitty, but I am thankful that my Auntie & Uncle have her love & devotion, and Pepe's too. I"m also in a funny way thankful for the laugh she gives me every time she stalks or attacks me for paying attention to her.
Of course I'm always thankful for a delicious Thanksgiving meal.

I am thankful that at 92 my Grandma is still in her own apartment (I am also extremely thankful to Auntie for her patience!)

I am thankful for having an Aunt that I can share a bottle of wine with.

I am thankful for having family to share the holiday with.

I am also thankful for a strong cup of coffee & sunshine the next morning!

I am thankful that I have 2 great kids that get along so well.

I am thankful that I am able to share the beauty of the lake that was so important t my childhood with my children.

I am thankful for the rare treat of being able to just sit back with nothing pressing to do.

I am thankful for random bits of silliness.

I am thankful for nature's beauty

I am thankful for it all.

Overheard at Church Today...

The following amusing conversation took place between Sunday school and Worship today.

"There's a streak of green on your forehead, Bug"

"Oh yeah, we used markers today," he says with a sheepish grin.

"So you decided to use your forehead instead of paper?" I quizzed.

"Well, you know mom, white is just too plain no matter where it is," he chimed without missing a beat.

We have a couple new little additions to our household.

Tuesday night Sis and Ricky presented me with my early Christmas presents

I was a little in shock at first. I wasn't expecting to get another kitten so soon and I surely wasn't expecting two of them!

The little critters grew on me quickly though, and within the hour I was working on choosing names.

It's rather difficult to come up with names for a pair of female kittens. We tossed around Laverne & Shirley, Thelma & Louise, Michiko & Mineko. I wanted something artsy or literary but kept drawing blanks. Then Sis mentioned her favorite series of books. They do like to stalk us like little vampire bats around the house....
Meet Rosalie. She has a strange fascination with riding on my shoulder. I think it's just so she can be close to my neck when she's ready for a bite.

This is Bella. She seems to have adopted Sis as "her person" already. That's okay, but Snowflake is a little out of joint about it.

Snowflake feels the need to remind us that she is still the cute princess. She is adjusting to the kittens quickly and will hopefully be more than just tolerant of them in a day or two.

They seem to be good kittens so far and even listen when I tell them to get off of my curtains.

Aren't they just adorable? I just love kittens!

Disarray

Most days if you ask me how being a single mom is going I'll tell you it's great. Very, very great!

I love the fact that I now have the freedom to decide what gets cleaned when, to budget so that the kids and I can enjoy the activities that we want to do, and to enjoy a routine that actually works for our family. I love the fact that Ex and I can get along for the good of the kids now. I also love the fact that I have freedom now to spend time with my friends.

I always try to look at the bright side of being a single parent family.

But every once in awhile....

4 loads of laundry hiding my beautiful Buffet that has been passed down 3 generations so far.

Sometimes it does fall apart. I came home tonight feeling a little overwhelmed. There were two loads of dishes scattered throughout the house. Four loads of laundry needed folding. I need to dust and vacuum and I should probably change the litter box and maybe clean the windows before I put plastic up. Oh, and the kitchen is driving me nuts, I really need to reorganize the cupboards.

My house didn't seem so unorganized last night. I suppose a lot of it is just my mood.

Usually I can count on Sis and Bug to help keep things flowing. I'm too tired to unload the dishwasher tonight? That's OK, the kids can do it after school tomorrow.

Only Sis has been sick on and off for 6 weeks now. She has missed 9 days of school so far.

I want her to rest and stay caught up on homework, so I haven't been pushing on chores.

Yesterday I took her to the Doctor. I sort of figured it would be something simple, like undiagnosed allergies. She of course was fine while we were there, bubbly and full of energy. We tossed around the idea of slight sinus infections or an allergy to dust. The Doctor wasn't quite satisfied though, so he ordered a few blood tests.

We are patiently waiting for two weeks to find out if she has some sort of immune deficiency. I of course spent some time looking up immune disease on the Internet last night. Scary Stuff.


This morning she woke up complaining of a sore throat. By 11:30 the school had called for me to pick her up. She was running a low grade fever by then & complaining of dizziness.

I brought her home and gave her an allergy pill. I documented her symptoms for the Doctor and went back to work.

The allergy pill didn't help and she excused herself to bed early tonight. Poor Sis.

This weekend I have few commitments, so I will be cleaning house top to bottom just in case there is some mysterious trigger here. Until then the dishes are done and the laundry can wait.

I am officially off duty for the night.