I've lost my muse

Courtesy of Sis & Ricky, hopefully these will lift my spirits

I'm trying to figure out why. Why every time that I get a good creative flow going, life has to knock me down & complicate it, so that eventually the creativity gets pushed aside and I have to deal with whatever is so pressing.

That right there is the sum of my last two weeks. Everything was going great. I was baking up a storm, I was writing up a storm, I was living and I was happy. I had started several poems and had the beginnings (or middles, or ends) of several more. I had started the outline and first sample writings for a new blog. I had even started writing a short story, something I have not attempted for years.

I will admit that part of the problem is that I became distracted. I let a few messes clutter up the counters. Then I realized that I had put off the necessary phone calls to secure a location for our next Scout meeting. I have a tendency to become temporarily obsessed with my inclinations. I don't think I'm alone in that. We all become a little caught up in our own creativity every now and again.

It would have been all fine and dandy though, I am comfortable with letting a few minor details slide now and again, except that I got into a huge argument with Ex. Admittedly, I had let my guard down. I had begun to trust that maybe, just maybe, Ex had grown up just enough to be trusted in a co-parenting roll. Perhaps he now realized that his actions reflect on his roll model status as a father. Or perhaps not. There was a lot of hurt and betrayal felt by Bug & especially Sis as Ex followed his own whims and left their feelings and admiration behind. I wish I could say out right the terrible decision that he made, I will keep to my promise not to discuss his transgressions on this blog however, but I am very thankful that I have been able to raise my children well enough to realize that it was a moral mistake without my pointing it out.

So I spent last week consoling my children instead of writing and being creative. It was the right decision and I have no regrets about that. Then Christmas came. A 3 day weekend alone with the kids! No one can really be expected to sit themselves in front of a computer on a long holiday weekend can they? Instead I cooked, did some light cleaning, made phone calls to loved ones, and played the wii with the kids. We had gotten a lot of snow and travel was not really advised, so we stayed in where it was warm and simply enjoyed our time together. The one time I did venture out I managed to get pulled over, but that's a different part of the story and not where I'm headed with this particular little rant.

So Sunday night came and I was very relaxed. I was sitting right here in this very spot with the computer in my lap. I really thought that maybe I could find a little bit of that creativity and write just a little bit. I was a little cold though, so I ventured over to the thermostat. 65 degrees it read. Not bad, but lower than I usually had it set. I went down to the basement to check, sure enough the pilot light was out. No big deal, I had become a pro at relighting the old rusty contraption since Ex moved out.

After getting the heat flowing again I decided I should probably just head to bed and jot in my notebook. I listened to the furnace hum as I went about my nightly rituals. I could feel the house starting to warm. And then, suddenly, nothing. The pilot light was out again.

I braved the frigid basement and lit it again. I fell asleep listening to the rattle of heat blowing through the vents. It seemed like the furnace was running a long time now and I was quite toasty.

I woke up at 1:00 shivering. It was now 57 in the house. I re lit the pilot. Then I lit it again at 3:30. And again at 5:30. And once more before I left for work at 7:00.

I sent a text message to my best friend, who's dad happens to be my furnace guy.

I stopped by home real quick while I was running the work deposit to the bank. I re lit the furnace twice. The temperature had dropped to 53 degrees. The kitchen faucet was starting to show signs of freezing since the pipe runs along an outside wall.

I got a text back. My friend's dad would be over after 5:00 to see what he could do. He was pretty sure it was a cheap part & simple fix. I took the rest of the day off work and used two space heaters and blankets to set up warm rooms in the house. I opened up each of the faucets to a drip so the pipes wouldn't freeze. I did laundry just to run the dryer and I curled up under a blanket with Bug to read a book. Every couple hours I would check the faucets & move the heaters.

My friend's dad came over sooner than expected and set to work. Throughout the even I could hear pounding and the occasional shrill of his phone ringing. At 8:00 he came up to tell me the bad news. He had done all he could, but sadly my furnace was beyond repair. The good news was that he had used furnace in his daughter's garage and he would put it in for me free of charge.

The man is a saint. I have said before that he is an angel in disguise. You wouldn't know to look at him what a huge heart he has. He looks like Chris Farley if he had lived to his almost 60's and had chosen a career in plumbing & heating. He is always laughing & smiling and rarely has a bad word to say to anyone.

So last night he put in the new furnace. It took him until 11:00. He left here with an apple pie as my thank you to him. I know that was not nearly enough thanks for the wonderful kindness he bestowed to me.

Now I have heat, wonderful heat. Maybe I could pick up where I left off, but now I have the sniffles. I suppose that's what happens when you go 2 days without heat. I just want a clear head so I can concentrate and unplugged ears so I can hear my muse again.

Oh well, such is life. Maybe next week. The start of a new year, the start of new creativity perhaps?