So today is Valentine's Day. Funny how attitudes can change so drastically in a year. Last year, on this very night, I was enjoying my first date with an incredibly sweet gentleman. Flowers, a card, dinner, theatre, dancing.... Ahhh, I was pretty well swept off my feet that night. I felt like a princess. Sadly, life, baggage, and distance got in the way of that budding romance. I still think very favorably of him and haven't completely closed off any possibilities, I'm just aware that the "time" for us is not now.
This year Valentine's Day is completely different for me. I will be spending the afternoon with one of my oldest, dearest friends and two bottles of wine. You can bet that there will be a little men-bashing (sorry guys!) and a lot of celebration of our singlehood. I'm sure there will be both laughter and tears.
You see, my friend and I married cousins and divorced cousins. We will spend today celebrating our independence, no pity parties for us. We will remind each other how much stronger we are. We have a lot that we will touch on today. How neither of us has to constantly be aware of the family's hidden desire for infidelity, how we can go buy ourselves an outfit with out being made to feel terrible for not getting them one first, how we don't have to worry about mysterious charges on our credit cards, or money we had saved for vacation being used to buy a chainsaw. How we don't have to worry about passive-aggressive behavior because they were jealous of the attention we gave our own children. Oh, there are so many things to celebrate in our independence! My favorite is that I don't have to give up my life to serve him anymore...my life is mine. If I need to put off the dishes to attend my son's soccer game there is no one there to make me feel guilty for it. If I want to attend a musical I can without fear that I will be made fun of at a later time. If I want to be involved in activities outside of the house I don't have to worry about who will be sleeping in my bed while I'm out. Yes, I have many reasons to celebrate being single today.
And I'm not doing it in a bitter way.
Truthfully, I am very relieved and happy that I no longer have to deal with the twisted mind of a fantastic manipulator. That's not to say that I've lost my romantic notions though.
Awhile back I had a friend that sent me a message telling me my need to be a closet romantic saddened him. That struck a little bit of a chord, because really, that is what I've turned into. I had another friend tell me that it saddens him that I am losing my care-free spirit. I read with joy the famous love letters that one of those friends has posted this week in honor of Valentine's Day. There is still a romantic hidden in me. I do hope that someday some gentleman feels so moved as to write to me from his heart like that and that he has the ability to make my care-free, loving, romantic, and happy side return. The problem is that I'm so much more cautious now. I am not content to settle for a man just because of pretty words. I have a huge need to know that he is really interested in me and not just in any warm body. The majority of the men that I have dated this last year are so quick to say they love me without taking the time to know me at all. Maybe I'm not as trusting as I used to be, but I have a hard time believing that you can fall in love with someone after one date. In my book that is lust not love.
Despite my convictions about love I do harbor a secret romantic side. I hope that someday I can feel loved and express love that is deep from the heart. I am open to it. I will even admit that I harbor some unrequited romantic notions about a dear friend of mine. But shhh... I enjoy his friendship so much, that I will never reveal those feelings for fear of his going away.
Really???
Anyway, enough with my rant. I am off to enjoy the fact that I have standards and the ability to hold out for that special someone. I hope you enjoy the Ant-Valentine's graphics I have posted, and I hope they all post correctly. I wish a great day to you all whether you are celebrating Valentine's Day, Single Awareness Day, or Anti-Valentine's Day!
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