Signs

The subject for this week's Random Photo Project was "signs". Yesterday afternoon was bright and sunny so I loaded up the kids and headed out to McHose park. The sunshine fooled us, the wind was still a slight bit bitter. We weren't dressed quite appropriately for a long period outdoors but we still managed to have a great time as the kids posed while making various signs for me.

This week's submission. It probably wouldn't be considered the best shot in the photo shoot but this one was my favorite. In fact, I'm thinking of getting their signs of love framed.

This symbol has been on the shelter house since I was a teenager, maybe even before. Sis and Ricky decided they wanted to try to recreate it.

My "stars".

I was lucky this week to have a little bit clearer schedule. Besides several fun outings with the kids I had plenty of time to work on my challenge poem for the week. You can check it out at Impassioned Versifier. Please check out the rest of this week's Random Photo Project submissions at Photography139. The kids and I are heading to the lake to visit Auntie for Easter. I was really hoping for a photo subject this week that would be a little broader so I could really have some fun at the lake. But it should prove entertaining and a good exercise for me to find something that will fit into the new subject, Macro.

Bug's Big Day

Bug had a huge day on Saturday. It was the much anticipated Pinewood Derby for his Cub Scout pack. He worked hard on his derby car and his hard work paid off with a trophy.

This is his awesome tank. He thought of the design himself and spent quite a bit of time perfecting his camouflage technique with the paint. I did have to help him glue the straw on for the turret. Other than than the only help he required was having Ricky cut it out for him and help putting on the wheels.

Preparing for the first heat. His tank placed 4th in this heat.

In place for heat two. He came in 2nd in this heat.

Heat number three. Go Bug go!

Overall his speed placed him 33rd. Everyone got a participation medal. But the awards weren't over yet.

Bug won Cub Master's choice for Best Design.

He is quite proud of his trophy and plans to bring it with us when we visit my Auntie this weekend.

My Week on the Web

Every week Hilary over at The Smitten Image posts an interesting array of her favorite blogs for that week. I get a big chuckle out of quite a few of those posts and others have challenged me to think a little deeper.

I admit, I have way too much idle time on my hands during the week.

But reading blogs and other entertaining articles helps me to pass the time while I'm trying to look busy when stuck at the office with no work on my desk (Speaking of which, isn't it about time you had your car serviced?). And it's a lot easier to hide than say a book or knitting.

I thought it would be fun to take an occasional look at what exactly it is I peruse on the Internet throughout the week. Although I'm sure I can't hold myself to be as dedicated as Hilary to a scheduled format. You all know the free-spiritedness of my thought process... it's just not gonna work.

So without further adieu here are the articles and blogs that caught my fancy this week:

Foursquare Has anyone joined this yet? I am thinking it could be fun and a great advertising tool, but how does one guard themselves from stalkerish type people? I will admit, I am not very keen on being followed around town by people that I don't want to keep company with (the ones I do want to keep company with are an entirely different matter however).

Stop and Smell the King Tenderloin The name of this article made me think of a tenderloin quest a friend of mine has been on for several years, sadly that thinking was way off track. It was interesting to read an outsiders view of our state. While I didn't learn anything new, it did make me think of a few towns I haven't visited in a very long time. Another friend of mine is on a quest with his wife to visit every county seat in our state. I wonder if I can convince him to share his stories in a travel blog?


MentalFloss is one of my all-time favorite websites. This article peaked my interest as I have been suffering from a terrible bout of insomnia for the last week or so. I'm glad I found a little relief with a warm bath and glass of wine a few nights ago, maybe I should try that again tonight. Sounds much better than slug entrails!

Mentos Gum I love this commercial on so many levels. I spent quite a bit of time on the Mentos website trying to get the link to this commercial to work. It wouldn't play for me, but I was able to find it on Youtube instead.

Bed of Nails Poetikat Kat Mortensen has done it again, another poem that strikes to the heart. I love the visual aspect she has given this poem, making each line strike like the nail it is.

Yellowstone Valley Inn I am seriously considering taking the kids to Yellowstone for our summer vacation. The cabins at this inn are calling me. The area looks beautiful and the price just may well fall into our budget. does anyone else have any other suggestions to make the trip affordable and memorable?

And the Angels Sing Japanese I developed a love for Glenn Miller back in 9th grade thanks to an amazing Band Instructor. Every year, around late fall to early winter just when marching band would end and concert band would start, I pull out my jazz and Big band cd's. You have to be a band geek or a lover of the big sound to understand why I found this both humorous and wrong on so many levels. I do have to give her credit for the attempt and the courage, but man, they don't even have a clarinet. Miller himself added reeds in the late 30's.

So there you have it, my small amusements and entertainments for the last week. I hope you enjoyed my randomness.

Motion

This week's subject for the Random Photo Project was motion. The first photo below is my submission, taken during our Ledges outing last week.

It took Bug 4 tries before I was finally able to click at the right moment. Thanks for the help Bug!

The wind-up.

The throw in motion.

Sis amused herself by throwing snowballs from the scattered patches of snow found in the shade.

The week and the challenge wouldn't be complete without a new poem over at Impassioned Versifier and a visit to Photography139 to see the rest of this week's submissions.

A walk down that memory filled trail

The weather was absolutely gorgeous today. I was still in a slight bit of a funk, so rather than picking up the house I thought the kids and I should get out and about for a little while.

We had been hearing all week how the river was once again overflowing its banks, reminiscent of the two major floods that I can remember in my lifetime.

We figured our best bet for comparison was to head down to Ledges.

Yep, it sure looks like pre-2008 flood levels, but not up to the 1993 level thankfully.

The one nice thing about flooding is that it forces us to get off the beaten path. There are some areas of the park that I could navigate with my eyes closed, but others I haven't set foot on in years.

Walking through that forgotten timber produced hazy ghosts of memories.

It was July of 1993. I was 18, newly engaged, and barely pregnant. We had just returned from Cheyenne a few weeks before. We traveled from the dry hot winds into oceans where corn fields used to be. It rained terribly for the first two weeks after our return. It was a warm rain though and many nights we could be found walking through the flooded streets of town anyway.

A group of us decided to head down to Ledges on one of the few sunny afternoons to grill out & celebrate our return and engagement. We pulled the picnic tables as close to the water as we could get them and fired up the grills. The guys downed beers while the girls sat at the tables sharing the latest news and admiring my new ring.

At some point one of us declared that the heat and humidity was too much . We kicked off our shoes and ventured into the lagoon the swollen river had made near the shelter houses.

We spent the afternoon swimming in and out of this very shelter house, with an occasional rest seated in a windowsill. It was an afternoon to remember. Sadly it has been so many years now that I can barely remember who was there. I remember my friend Sunny, and of course my fiancee at the time, and possibly his brother and 1 of his sisters. I can assure you that there were a great many more people in attendance, but those are the ones I distinctly remember surrounding me with joy that day.

Towards the end of the day we were still full of horseplay when we should have been exhausted. I had some excuse to get out of the water, but quite what I no longer recall. I swam to the shore and started to trudge through the water covered mud that made up the last few feet of shoreline. Then out of no where he came! My fiancee was still full of 19 year old energy and horseplay. As he tackled me back into the water my stomach lurched in terror as I felt my new ring, which still needed to be sized slip off my finger and vault into the air.

I watched in fly up but never watched it land as my head went under the water. Already in tears I righted myself the instant I could find footing, but it was already too late. It was lost to the river, buried somewhere in feet of soft mud.

The entire group pulled together and searched the entire area. We sifted through handfuls of silt and mud but to no avail.

Every new flood I wander the shoreline there, curious to my ring's fate. Maybe, just maybe that beautiful 1 carat solitaire will resurface. I doubt I will ever be the one to find it, but maybe it will bring as much joy to the person that does as it did to me in the short time it was in my possession.

A break from memory lane, Sis decided to do a little exploring. Much like a young version of me at that age she has a need to feel and experience. The clay at the bottom of this creek bed caught her interest and she felt an intense need to touch it.

Apparently it wasn't quite what she expected as she declared it was slimy and muddy.

Further along the trail we came to this shelter house. I have an elusive memory of a fun night with a bunch of friends here in high school. I seem to recall that it was either after a play or band concert. It seems quite possible that as part of the tech crew we ventured out here after pulling off behind the scenes perfection for the high school drama club's latest production. I recall many other nights where we would venture around town stopping to play on swing sets, attempting to call up spirits with an Ouija board (in the chicken coop if any of you recall), or watching the end outcome of silly bets unravel at McDonald's.

What I do remember of this night is a game of hide and seek. I remember somehow climbing up onto the roof on the backside of this shelter house while the boys ventured off into the woods.

Ah, how I miss those young carefree days.

As I left the memory trail and joined back up with the kids I came across Sis laying on the side of the road. How can I reprimand her when I would have done such a thing at that age, and might even still, if the circumstances called for it.

Of course on the way out of the park we saw plenty of deer that were gracious enough to stop and pose for us.

I took a lot more pictures throughout the evening, but am choosing to hold those back as one of them just may end up being my submission for this week's photo challenge. The subject of which is Motion if any of you are interested in taking part. I know Chris would be excited to have more people participate!

For the love of good family...

I was raised to not feel pity for myself. I was taught that no matter how bad your current circumstances feel there is always a way up and out of it and that way is you. Someone always has it worse than you do, so buck up and change what you can.

That's all fine and dandy. That line of thinking has gotten me through a lot in my 35 years. I've been making it on my own since I was 17 and I think I've done a fairly decent job. I have roof over my head and although it has it's issues it keeps me & the kids warm & dry. I have a job that puts food on the table and with some tight budgeting allows us a few small extras every now and then. I have a reliable vehicle, that although not new or fancy by any means, can get me from point A to point B and even tow my camper along if I so fancy.

And I have family and friends. Loving, wonderful family and friends. The kind that share the good times with you, make you laugh, and are there when you have a total breakdown and need a shoulder to whine cry on. I am so thankful to have them in my life.

You see, today I have had a total self-pity day.

I had had it. Had enough. Everything that I have worked so hard for all my life just seemed to be crumbling down. I reached a very scary point today where I wondered just exactly what it is I'm working towards anymore.

Yeah, sure, I have the kids to work for. They are my driving force. I work hard everyday to provide a happy childhood for them while still instilling strength & good values. That's no easy task when I'm working on less resources than my parents ever had when they were trying to do the same for me. I had all 4 grandparents growing up. My kids have one that barely sees them even though she is in the same town. I had both parents. My kids have one parent full time and one when the mood strikes. I had tons of aunts, uncles, and cousins around at every family gathering. My kids pretty much just have me. Not that I'm complaining at all. I love having an active role in their lives every single day & wouldn't give it up for the world. It's just that some days the stress of knowing every little decision I make is going to impact their development in someway is a huge load to carry. The weight of their worlds is on my shoulders.

So I've been weighing a lot of decisions lately. I've been fixing up the house & considering selling it when I get it done. I've toyed with the idea of going back to school or pursuing a more fulfilling career path. I've dated & considered relationships but have been unable to find the balance I want between what I need and what I feel my children need (and I've found I've lost the ability to flirt with what I'm not interested in!). Ex seems to be tiring of his new flame already & wants to be involved in the kids' lives again, do I again bring up how damaging his push & pull relationship is to them? I have had to make financial decisions and still try to tuck a little money away for our summer vacation to some unknown destination yet to be decided. Every decision I want to make lately seems to end up in limbo, waiting for something else to decide which path I will take.

I feel stagnent. I do not like feeling stagnent. I feel the need to always be pursuing something. To chase one of my dreams. But lately I seem to be fresh out of dreams. I feel like my whole life is out of focus right now. I have almost too many options and decisions to make.

Then today I had more stress thrown onto my plate. An incident at work today made me really start considering if almost 11 years is too long at one job. I started my job as an intern in college. I don't have any other business experience. I have stayed so long because I work for a very wonderful company and I needed the stability of my job as Ex bounced from job to job. Now I'm wondering if that was a bad decision. Have I possibly sunk myself career-wise by slipping into complacency?

So now I'm thinking I should update my resume and test the waters. Or should I? Am I going to be so lucky as to find another job with the hours, benefits, pay, and (mostly minus one) great co-workers? And what exactly are my career aspirations? To tell the truth, I've never had any real career goals. I went into accounting because it was something that I knew I was good at that would pay the bills. All I've ever really wanted to do was raise my children and be artistic in some way, whether painting or writing. And here I haven't painted in so long that I threw my greasy separated oil paints out last year, and I only dabble in random bits of prose instead of introducing all the stories that flit through my head to paper.

I'm still living part of my dream though. I'm raising my children and am so grateful that I am able to do so.I chatted with my Auntie for several hours tonight. I love that woman. Without even knowing all the frustrations that I'm feeling right now she can make me feel stronger.
So where am I going from here? I have a feeling that only the wind knows which direction it will take me. But maybe I'll start with a green drink tomorrow night and a trip up to the lake in a few weeks to clear my head. Maybe I should fill my time in between the two with activities and friends to keep myself from dwelling on these unmade decisions and risk slipping into self-pity again.

So enough self-pity for tonight. How about some pictures of the fur babies (that's what you came here for, right?)? They hardly look like the same kittens anymore.
Bellzers taking it easy

Pretty Rosalie posing

Bellzers caught in action. He seemed to think both the plant and the scratching post were equal threats that night.

Explore

This week's theme was explore. I really wish I had had the time to actually venture outside to explore. The weather yesterday would have been absolutely perfect to do just that. Instead I was inside working on spring cleaning so that the electrician can come this week to give me an estimate on some rewiring I need to have done.

I've heard that there is a bald eagle roaming back and forth between Don Williams and the Fraser Dam. It had been my plan to venture along the river yesterday to try to get a photo of him. I do feel accomplished and satisfied with all the work I got done yesterday though. Hopefully the kids don't make too big of a mess during Spring break this week, forcing me to do it all again.

I was beginning to worry that I wouldn't have a photo to submit again this week. Then I caught one of the kittens exploring the house just before bedtime. It's obviously not my ideal submission for exploring, but I did have a lot of fun following her through the house as she checked every nook and cranny. Below is a shot of her checking underneath my China hutch. Apparently everything in the house checked out okay and after about 20 minutes she settled down for a bite to eat and a good belly rub from me.
Of course I have a poem posted over at Impassioned Versifier for this week's challenge and be sure to check out the rest of this week's photo submissions over at Photography139.

Blessed

Today is my birthday. I had rather expected it to be a quiet day with no fuss. After all, who do I have to fuss over me? I'm pretty alone in my little corner of the world. No parents capable, an only child, no family other than my kids for 90 miles.

Last year I had a celebration. What I figured would be my last "big" celebration. Truthfully I was celebrating so many other things than my birthday last year.

Nope, this year looked like it was going to be quiet and simple. I could handle that. Over the last year I've really come to set my standards high & my expectations low. That way of looking at life has made me very content with whatever comes my way.

So today took me totally by surprise. All day long I've been receiving birthday wishes & greetings, starting with a serenade from Bug & Sis as I went to wake them up this morning.

Sneaky little Sis had a plan up her sleeve. You see, she has apparently been conspiring all week. Sending text messages and emails she managed to pull together a surprise celebration. This isn't the first time Sis has done this. Two years ago she managed to throw a surprise party for me with our friend Wendy helping her out. This year she did it almost entirely on her own.

She says it's payback for the party I threw for her in January.

She got me and she got me good. She distracted me at lunchtime by having me drive her to get her driver license (yes she can drive on her own now, wow). I came home after work to find a great many people in my living room and more stopping in throughout the evening to celebrate with us. Sis made chicken & dumplings for supper and purchased a cake.

I feel extremely blessed and loved tonight to be remembered by so many friends and by all the hard work that my children went to to make my day so special.

My pretty princess cake

I was "crowned" right before Sis and I got into a frosting fight

Now I'm going to go relax with my present (and wash the frosting out of my hair)

Thank you to all that made this day so special :)

Walking in the Rain

A tribute to this week's challenge subject: Wet.

I didn't have a submission for this week's random photo challenge.

Bummer.

I did manage to eek out a poem for the challenge though.

Last week was an over-all strange week for me. It all started out normal with Bug's concert, lunch with a dear friend, a Cub Scout committee meeting. but somewhere amid all that normalcy it started to get strange.

I don't know that there was anything in particular. I really think all the strangeness is a result of my total lack of focus the last few weeks. But all of a sudden over the weekend I realized that my life has entered another whole realm and something has changed in me yet once again.

Here are a few of the more thought provoking moments from the last week:

- After a 2 hour conversation with a new "friend", I realized that I had found someone that is very much like the old adventurous me. This has led to a lot of self reflection. Do I really want to invite someone into my life that would encourage me to take risks that I might regret later on? I am at a point in my life where my risks should be more controlled & responsible. But still the old thrill-seeker in me is crying for some new adventure.

- Sis told me about the "goodbye" letter she is writing to her father. She feels she needs closure on his turning his back to her. I have such mixed feelings on this. I am proud off her for standing up for herself and what she needs emotionally, but am so sad knowing that if/when she sends it there will be no chance of reconciliation for them. I know that it is his choice to no longer be a father to her, but it is so unfair that at 16 she even has to consider shutting him out too.

- I made a plan with 2 dear friends to be part of a triathlon relay this summer. I will take on the swimming part of the relay. The race is in 4 months. I look forward to the focus this challenge will provide. I have been inactive for way too long and became even more motivated when I realized that I need to lose 10 pounds before I can even fit into my racing suit. I realized how blessed I am to have friends that encourage me in such a positive way.

- I sat here in self-pity Sunday night. I couldn't quit thinking about how despite all the great activities I take part in and friends that I love, there is something missing from my life. There is something more out there for me than working, cleaning a house that can never be totally clean, and stretching a budget farther than should be possible. I wish I could put my finger on it. For the longest time I had thought that what I was missing was a relationship, commitment, love, passion. But the more I date, the more I realize that the men that have expressed interest in me are not the type of men that I want to share my life with long term. I still have hope that who I'm looking for is out there, but maybe at the moment I'm not needing a someone. Maybe I am needing a something in my life. More adventure, more focus, more security, something new.

This next week's challenge subject is Explore. Maybe it will be a good subject for me as I explore myself a little deeper and try to figure out what exactly it is that I'm missing.

Randomness of Life

It has been another busy week in our Random household. The last 7 days have been full of meetings, friends, sick kids, a concert, decisions, laughter, and tears. To say that I am exhausted and in need of a vacation is an understatement. But I must trudge on. I will get a little rest tonight before more meetings tomorrow night, attending a community play with Bug on Friday, and connecting with more friends on Saturday. At least the weekend looks like it will be very enjoyable.

So here's a brief recap of my last week:

- I determined a need to distance myself from a very close friend due to his life decisions. While I won't turn my back totally on him, it's definitely a time for us to take separate roads.

- I got the chance to hang out with a bunch of old friends who unknowingly renewed my faith in the males of our species and reminded me that it's okay to be the old me again.

- Tended to a sick kid as Bug got sent home from school Monday morning. Mommy guilt kicked in when I had to return to work, but thankfully I was able to get off early and skipped my church meeting to cuddle him.

- Said adios to J from my Baggage blog. Seems there were a few reasons for my apprehension. I am quite all right with it. The quest continues.

- Laughed so hard with a friend that I inhaled my gum & almost choked. Ah, it is so great to have girl friends that know how to tickle your funny bone.

- Organizing, organizing, organizing for Cub Scouts this week. I should be almost ready for tomorrow's meeting.

- Attended Bug's 3rd grade program. I have some great video, but unfortunately it won't load on here. It was quite enjoyable; cute and sweet. Bug did a great job during his monologue, only stumbling over the word Specific. Here are a few snap shots:

I'm not sure why he was sticking out his tongue. I can only imagine it was directed at his sister sitting next to me.

This is only half of the 3rd grade classes. The other half performed an hour earlier.

I'll leave you with a final thought for the week, the best pick line that I have ever heard (and not from J): Would you feel just as comfortable backpacking in Costa Rica as you would watching movies on the couch?